like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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