That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
