Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
