today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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