is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
