Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
