yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
