Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
