You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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