The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
