You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
