Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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