I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
