You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
