WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
