i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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