Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize