so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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