somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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