PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
