She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
