you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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