k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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