First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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