I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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