Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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