I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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