I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
