i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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