Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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