I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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