it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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