He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
