everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
