did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
