3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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