My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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