I hate your face
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
