Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
