so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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