I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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