Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
