We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
