Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
