Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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