My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
