Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
