Need sex. Gaining weight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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