You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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