DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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