your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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