No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
