She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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