Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
