I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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