I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
