apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're a waste of cheezeits
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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