oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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