the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You ate ashes out of my bong
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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