also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
