Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize