dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
