ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
