you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
