I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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