I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
