Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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