You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
