he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
