matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
