i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
