I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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