I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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