How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
