they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
