O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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