We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize