I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
