She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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