Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
