my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm at about main and main street
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
