dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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