so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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