I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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