I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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