I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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