I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
