no, he came in my armpit
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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