The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
