This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
