I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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