How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
