Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
