i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
