I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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