Will you blow on my dice?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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