Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
