He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
