my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
did i walk over a car last night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Randomize
