i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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