this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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