So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
